Witch Undercover in Westerham Read online

  Witch Undercover in Westerham

  Paranormal Investigation Bureau Book 3

  Dionne Lister

  Copyright © 2018 by Dionne Lister

  ISBN 978-0-648-34893-1

  Smashwords Edition

  Cover art by Robert Baird

  Content edit by Becky at Hot Tree Editing

  Line edit by Chryse Wymer

  Proofread by Mandy at Hot Tree Editing

  All rights reserved.

  * * *

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or school assignment.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Also by Dionne Lister

  Chapter 1

  I’d done it, but regret nipped at my heels with the enthusiasm of a hyperactive puppy.

  Life-drawing classes had seemed like a good idea at the time. Olivia, my first girlfriend in Westerham, had thought so too, and she’d signed up with me. We stood at our easels in our second lesson, charcoal scraping against paper. The model, as naked as the day he was born but rather hairier, lay on his stomach atop cushions piled in the centre of the rustic barn conversion.

  I guess I didn’t regret joining the class so much as where I’d positioned myself in relation to the model—directly behind. Today’s model looked to be in his early sixties, and some things were, um… saggy. It was taking me awhile to adjust to this new reality. Actually, seeing anyone nude was a new reality. I hadn’t dated anyone in months.

  Our teacher, Mrs Valentine, waddled over. She was an enthusiastic older lady with a purple bouffant, bright-red lipstick, and a vibrantly coloured Mumu that rippled and flowed behind her when she walked. What she lacked in height, she made up for with her loud voice. “Oh, very nice, Lily. Although, you might want to change this line.” She gently bumped me out of the way as she took control of my feeble attempt at drawing. I bit my lip as she calmly rubbed out the offending curve between the legs and redid it to her satisfaction. “There. That’s better. Lovely.” She smiled and moved to the next student.

  Olivia leaned over and whispered, “Oh my. Nice ball sac. Mrs Valentine sure knows what she’s doing.” She tried holding back, but I heard her quiet snort.

  I snickered. I had so chosen the wrong angle. Why hadn’t I planned better? I’d have to remember for next time. At least the lessons seemed to cheer Olivia up. Her fiancé had been killed a month ago in a PIB arrest gone wrong. My brother had shot him but only to save me. I’d struggled with survivor’s guilt since then. I felt like I’d contributed to Olivia’s fiancé’s demise, and every time I saw her struggle, everything came back as if it had happened yesterday. Although everyone kept telling me it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t help thinking it.

  Maybe saggy balls were good therapy for both of us. Yep, things must be bad.

  A phone trilled loudly from another room. The barn conversion was divided into four rooms: the large main area with high ceilings and exposed timber beams where art lessons were held, then Mrs Valentine’s office, the supply storeroom, and the toilet.

  Mrs Valentine shuffled quickly to answer the phone in her office. She raised her arm and waved it in front of her as she went. “I’m coming. I’m coming. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” She finally reached her office and shut the door.

  I whispered to Olivia, “Do you think she realises whoever’s on the phone can’t hear her until she actually answers it?”

  She shrugged. “I have no idea. You’d best get a move on. You’re only half finished.” She turned back to her easel and shaded the curve of the model’s lower back.

  “You’re not half bad at this drawing caper.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. I’m really enjoying it, much more than I thought I would.”

  Happiness surged through my chest and curled my lips into a grin. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Liv. She was one of the nicest people I’d ever met.

  I bit my lip and started drawing our subject’s arm. The trick, apparently, was to look at what you were drawing more than the paper. And from this angle, everything was foreshortened. I’d be happy if I could just tell it was a person when I was finished.

  Just as I was becoming absorbed in the work, Mrs Valentine came out of her office. Her smile was gone, and her face was flushed. “I’m so very sorry, class, but I have to leave—bit of a family emergency. When you’re finished, please stack the easels in the storeroom. Henry darling, do you mind locking up?” She pulled keys out of her pocket and gave them to the model.

  “Will do, Ida. I’ll bring them by tonight.” His Irish accent was delivered with a deep voice. He winked at her. Hmm, it was like that, was it? I quietly snorted. But why was I laughing? A seventy-year-old was getting more action than I was. Life could be so unfair.

  Mrs Valentine winked at him, then smiled. “Good man. Bye, class. I’ll see you next week.” At the door, she put her fingers in her mouth and screeched a loud, sharp whistle. My eyes widened when a red fox—yes, a fox—arrived and trotted away with her.

  I shared a glance with Olivia. “Um, is that normal?”

  She laughed. “Not really. Some people have foxes as pets, usually rescued animals who choose to stay. Actually, she’s the second person I’ve met who has a pet fox.”

  Ooh, I was so jealous. Foxes were super cute. If you don’t believe me, just watch a YouTube video of one playing—they’re the perfect combination of cat and dog. My glee turned to a frown. “They’re classed as pests in Australia. The government baits them.” They were so adorable with their bushy tails and pointy ears, but they killed a lot of native animals. Why couldn’t they be herbivores so they’d be allowed to live happily in Australia?

  “Hmm.” Olivia tilted her head and regarded her work. “What do you think?”

  “It’s quite good, actually. Much better than mine.” Mine would be going in the bin when I got home.

  “Thanks. And thanks for asking me to come. I think I’ve found something I really enjoy.” She smiled.

  “Glad to be of service.”

  The lesson ran for another fifteen minutes, and then it was time to pack up. We put our easels in the storeroom, then collected our stuff. On the way out, I stopped to thank the model, who was still without clothing. Okay then. I swallowed and tried to make sure I had a normal expression on my face. I also didn’t look down. Nope. I stared at his face, his smile crinkling his brown eyes at the corners, until I thought about his saggy balls, and I blushed. Could he tell what I was thinking? My gaze fled, but not too far. It wandered down to his chest, where he had a heart-shaped mole, just above his nipple. I was totally doing this talking-to-a-naked-person thing.

  “Thanks for today, Henry.”

&nbsp
; He smiled wider and put his hands on his hips, as if he was trying to draw my attention down there. “My pleasure. How did it go?”

  Not. Going. To. Look. How could he stand there so… so… naked without a care in the world? “Ah, my drawing sucked, but Olivia’s was quite good, actually.”

  “Good to hear. See you next time, ladies.” He winked, then turned and bent over to pick up some cushions. My mouth dropped open. And I’d thought the view before was confronting. I wanted to shut my eyes and look away, but you know how it is when something surprises you so much you just can’t believe it and your brain shuts down? Me. Right. Now.

  Olivia pulled my arm and broke the spell. Thank God. We turned and hurried out. My boot toe caught on the bottom of the door frame, and I tripped, grabbing onto Olivia to save myself.

  She laughed. “You idiot. It’s just a naked person.”

  “I know. But can’t he put his clothes on when the lesson’s over. I didn’t know where to look, and then, well, who bends over naked in front of people they hardly know?”

  “Someone who’s comfortable in their skin.”

  “Yeah, well, I can’t unsee that. I’m glad you’re so okay with it. At least only one of us will be having flashbacks. Oh God, what if I have one during sex? My life is ruined.”

  “Ha, you have to meet someone to have sex; I’m pretty sure. When was the last time you went on a date?”

  “Yeah, don’t remind me.”

  “What about Mr Tall, Dark, and Cranky?”

  She’d gotten to know William a little in the last few weeks, and her assessment was accurate. I cleared my throat. “What about him?”

  “I see the way you two look at each other.”

  “What, angrily?” I smirked.

  She grinned. “Yeah, sexual-tension angry.”

  “Oh, would you look at that. There’s your car.”

  “You can change the subject, but you can’t avoid me forever.” She cackled an evil laugh and unlocked her car.

  “How’s the studying going?” Olivia was doing an online course on policing. It was the first step to joining the PIB. She was supposed to have moved in with Angelica and me, but her parents had insisted she stay with them for a while. She agreed, knowing how worried they were since her fiancé had been killed, although they didn’t know the exact circumstances.

  “Great, actually. I’m almost halfway through. Another five weeks, and I should be done. I have to study tonight, hence why I can’t come out to dinner with you guys. Have dessert for me.”

  “The things I do for my friends.” I sighed dramatically and got in the car. Angelica, my brother, James, his wife, Millicent, and Beren, William, and William’s model sister, Sarah, were going out to dinner for Millicent’s birthday. It was the first time I’d been able to attend her birthday, and I was chuffed. I was finally part of a family again for the first time since my parents had disappeared when I was fourteen. It wasn’t quite the same, but it filled the empty space that had been in my heart for so long. I had people again, even if they were mostly witches.

  Olivia turned on the radio, and we sang along to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off.”

  I smiled. Yep, I had peeps. The best witchy and non-witchy peeps ever.

  It was 11:00 p.m., and it was dark. Finally. Not that I didn’t like summer and daylight, but it was weird to have a late dinner in bright sunlight. I was stuck in the middle of the back seat, again, between Angelica and Beren. William drove his Range Rover, as usual. His sister sat in the front passenger seat, which wasn’t usual, since she was often working abroad. My brother and Millicent had taken their own car. We’d had a delicious dinner, and true to my word, I’d also had dessert. Chocolate mousse. Yum. My stomach strained against my jeans, and I couldn’t wait to get home and rip them off.

  Sarah turned around and looked at me. “How are the art lessons going?”

  “Good, thanks. Well, they’re fun, but I’m not very good. That would be the more correct answer.” I laughed.

  She shrugged. “Hey, everyone has to start somewhere. You’ll get better. Is it like landscapes and stuff?”

  Beren grinned, then coughed. “Our wild Aussie girl is drawing nudes. Isn’t that right?”

  Sarah’s eyes widened; then she nodded. “Okay, I wouldn’t have expected that, but good on you. The naked form is truly beautiful.”

  I blushed. “Kind of. We’ve only had old people pose so far, but that’s fine; I’m not there to perv. It’s taking me a while to adjust though. It’s kind of awkward sometimes, and I have to force myself not to laugh at some weird thought, or I’ll look like an arsehole.”

  “Maybe they could get some hot young man there for you.” Beren tapped his chin with his forefinger, pretending to think. Then he thrust his finger in the air. “I know! Will would be perfect. I hear he has nice tight buns.”

  I snorted, then burst out laughing, as did Sarah.

  William scowled. “Very funny, idiot. Although, you do speak the truth about my buns.”

  Sarah leaned over and felt his bicep. “B has a point, Will. You could earn some extra cash.”

  He blushed, the scarlet inching up his cheeks to envelop his ears, kind of like on a cartoon when someone eats a hot chili. Wow, I never knew it actually happened.

  I grinned. “I have the perfect red pencil I could use to colour in your face.” Angelica and I laughed. William narrowed his eyes at me in the mirror. I smirked.

  A flash of something caught my attention in the headlights. Oh my God! “Stop!”

  William had reacted just as I shouted. He must have noticed what I had at the same time. The tyres screeched. A small thud sounded. My stomach plummeted, and then the car stopped. We’d hit an animal. I was sure of it.

  William unbuckled and jumped out. I didn’t want to see the damage, but I had to. What if whatever it was wasn’t dead? Beren had opened the door and was already running to the front of the car. I unbuckled and followed him. Please don’t be dead, animal.

  I swallowed as I rounded the bonnet. A small furry body, about the size of an Australian sheepdog, lay on its side in the middle of the road a couple of metres in front of the car. Beren had his hands on its head. William stood watching, his arms limp by his side. When I reached them, I could see it was a fox. Oh no.

  “Beren, is it…?”

  He looked up at me, and the fox blinked. “No. Just give me a minute. I’m going to heal it.” If Beren wasn’t my favourite person before this, he was now. Looked like witch healing wasn’t just for humans.

  William bit his lip, and deep lines marred his forehead.

  “Hey, are you okay?” I put my hand on his arm, and he looked down at me. “It wasn’t your fault. In fact, it was probably my fault for distracting you. I'm sorry.”

  He shook his head. “I should’ve been paying better attention. But even if I had been, it would’ve been hard to avoid, as it ran out from the bushes at the side of the road where it’s dark. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Not really, but, yeah, I feel bad.”

  Angelica called out from the car. “Maybe put your hazards on, Will.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.” He turned back to the Range Rover.

  I knelt next to Beren and studied the fox’s face. There was blood on its pointy snout, but its eyes were open and staring at Beren, and there were definite up and down chest movements indicating it was breathing. Thank God.

  Beren slowly removed his hands. “Done. You’re one lucky fox. If anyone else had hit you, you would've died.”

  There was something around its neck. I was about to reach out and see, but then I remembered that as cute as this fox was, it was a wild animal and would probably bite me. “What’s that around its neck?”

  The fox wriggled, preparing to stand, but Beren mumbled something, and it lay still, its eyes opening wider, showing the whites. It was scared.

  Beren reached down and ran his fingers around the fox’s neck. “It’s a collar. Here’s a tag.” He leaned down. “It says, ‘Knight. If found ca
ll 7724886340.’”

  “It’s a pet?”

  “Seems to be.”

  “I’ll call the number.” I pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket just as William rejoined us, Sarah in tow. I dialled while Beren explained to them what was going on.

  The phone rang a few times before it went to a message bank. “Well hello!” an enthusiastic and familiar woman’s voice almost shouted. “You’ve reached Ida Valentine and Naked Art Studio. Please leave a message after the beep, and I’ll return your call post-haste. Toodle pip!”

  A mini explosion detonated in my brain—think quick, Lily. Out of all the people it could have been—how much should I say? “Ah, hi, Mrs Valentine. It’s Lily Bianchi from one of your classes. Um, your fox is out on the road, and I thought you should know. We’ll drive him to your place now, just in case you’re wondering where he is. Bye.” Gah, I hadn’t left my number. But she had my number from art classes. Okay, all good.

  I turned, and Beren had moved the fox to the side of the road.

  William looked at me and folded his arms. “What did you just do?”

  “That was my art teacher. It’s her fox. I actually saw him with her this afternoon. She had to run off to deal with some family emergency, and he went with her. We need to take him home so someone else doesn’t run him over.”

  “You’re not putting a fox in my car.”

  I gave him an incredulous look. “Why not?”

  “Foxes smell. I don’t want to stink up my car.”

  “Oh, for goodness’ sake. It’s a five-minute drive to her place from here.” Her studio sat on the back of her large block, and her 1850s house was near the front, a pretty cottage garden bridging the gap.